amusing grace

Choices

Approximate amount of time I spent deciding to buy our current house:  10 minutes.

Approximate amount of time I spend choosing salsa at the grocery store:  10 minutes.

What is it with me?  I have a history of “breezing through” huge life decisions, while agonizing over the most miniscule.  Choosing a college?  No problem!  Choosing blue or black ink for my shopping list – now I’ve got some thinking to do. . .

I’m definitely an episode of Dr. Phil just waiting to happen. 

Dr. Phil.com

Hooray!

Hot off the presses:

“Hardee's on Monday rolled out its new Country Breakfast Burrito -- two egg omelets filled with bacon, sausage, diced ham, cheddar cheese, hash browns and sausage gravy, all wrapped inside a flour tortilla. The burrito contains 920 calories and 60 grams of fat.”

Congratulations Hardee’s.  No one thought it could be done.  But now it is in fact possible for a normal, healthy adult to get coronary disease at one sitting;  and all in the context of a nation that has “biggie-sized” itself right out of its own britches.

So let’s all raise our glasses -- our bacon-grease-filled glasses -- and toast our beloved Hardee’s:  killing a nation one pound at a time.

Overeater’s Anonymous

TMI

Too much information, as in “I didn’t really need to know that”.  I’m calling this post TMI, because to those of you who aren’t parents -- you may think the following would have been better left unsaid (or “un-posted”, rather).  But since this blog is more or less a place for what’s in my brain to ooze out. . .

I had to take two showers yesterday.  Why?  Because I got pee-peed on by my three-year-old.  That’s right -- pee-peed on.  A baby homosapien is the only life form that has the gall to just unashamedly spray you.  Oh yeah, and he laughed, too.  He thought it was hilarious.  It’s as if he were saying, “Dear man, of course I know this is wrong.  But while I am still of the age at which you can’t tell if this is accidental or not, I must plumb the depths of these formative years for all of the humor that I can wring from them.  For you see, father, it shan’t be too much longer that I can get away with peeing on you.  Therefore, I must.” 

Okay, maybe he wasn’t thinking of the word “shan’t”. . . Truth be known, I laughed, too.  I guess he is still young enough to get away with it.

But again, for those of you that don’t yet know the joys of parenthood (and there are many, many joys):  there are certain secrets in the parenting club that no one tells you about ahead of time, for fear of scaring you off from this fun-filled adventure.  So through the aforementioned story, I’m here to let you in on one of these parenting “rites of passage”:  When you have a child, the level of gross situations you occasionally find yourself in will reach new heights.  See, you just thought it was gross in eighth grade, when Billy Fesmire ate a pickle off the floor.  And you just knew you were going to be sick in college -- when the dude wearing the viking helmet swallowed the bite of hamburger that the other dude chewed up.

But no.  These are not even finalists in your list of grossest moments compared to what lies ahead.  Let me just share a few personal, random incidents off the top of my head.

-Pee-peed on?  I’ve lost count.

-Picked stuff out of noses?  Check.

-Had baby-poop on me?  Uh-huh.

-Have I reached out and used my hands to actually catch my son’s throw-up, to save money on having the couch cleaned?  Been there, bought the stained t-shirt.

Do I need to go on, here?

Now mind you, I don’t necessarily have an iron-clad stomach.  If it’s you getting sick on me, my gag reflex will prevail.  But somehow, God gives parents some type of “gross-out hall pass” when it comes to their own children (as if to reason, “Well at least this is throw-up from my own lineage.” )

So, what’s my point?  Well, I definitely don’t want to talk down being a parent.  Overall, it’s one of the coolest things in life.  I just wanted to be forthcoming about the good, the bad, AND the ugly.  And boy does it get ugly. 

(This post has been cathartic for me; even purging, if you will.  Feel free to post comments regarding your own less-than-tidy adventures in parenting).

Miss me?

For those of you that don’t know, we’ve recently moved to Fredericksburg, TX (not too far from San Antonio) to help start a new theater (www.rockboxtheater.com).  We’ve finally settled into our home, church, work, and Wal-Mart:-) -- so I thought I’d try and start posting some more on my cobweb-filled blog. 

I’m still getting paid to sing and act silly on stage -- and loving every minute of it.  I’ve also been dabbling in some songwriting/arranging.  I still like Mountain Dew, The Andy Griffith Show, and vocal jazz groups.  (And for the record, I haven’t grown any taller since I’ve seen you).    

It’s been a wild summer -- moving, new town, new job.  But we made it and it’s finally starting to feel like home.  We appreciate your prayers.  Feel free to stop by here from time to time.  And leave a comment -- it validates me so.